


inexhaustible, inviting.

by sondersoflight



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: It's A Coffee Shop AU, M/M, all the fun stuff, boys who don't talk about their feelings, me writing this: i want to be funny but im not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sondersoflight/pseuds/sondersoflight
Summary: “Mike texted me that John Mulaney went by the coffee shop and he a-asked for your hand in marriage.”Eddie rolls his eyes. “His name is Richie Tozier and all he asked for was to get insulted.”“He asked t-to get insulted?” Bill asks – and he acts surprised and everything. “Starbucks has r-r-uined people’s coff-e orders.”
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 355





	inexhaustible, inviting.

**Author's Note:**

> so i posted this and i ended up deleting it because i wanted to add more things so sorry about that! title is from borges' poem 'poem written in a copy of beowulf'

The day has started off terribly.

Eddie wakes up late – his alarm didn’t go off because he forgot to plug his phone – and has to hurry through a shower. He is forced to put his clothes on while he is still sort of wet, which is honestly disgusting, but he can’t afford to be late to work again.

When he walks out of his room he finds Bill sitting on the couch watching cartoons. He has dark circles under his eyes and his laptop is open, sitting next to him. Bill has spent the last four months trying to come up with a different ending for his book with no avail. Eddie kind of feels sorry for him, but he also kind of wants to slap him.

“I doubt you are going to find the ending to your book watching re-runs of _Hey Arnold_.” Eddie mutters while he pulls stuff out an in of his backpack.

“You n-never know.” Bill mutters and he leans forward – pressing the heel of his hand into his eyes. “I’m Helga Pataki.”

They’ve been living together for nearly three years now, ever since Eddie had decided it was finally time to cut the cord and walk away from the twisted cocoon his mother had built around him – and Bill had been more than happy to help. Bill had been living alone for some time, trying to immerse himself in his writing career while his parents had no problems paying off his rent.

Eddie had not been so kin on taking the help they were offering, and he had insisted on getting a job while he studied. All he had manage with the limited experience he had was as a cashier in a small coffee shop that was hidden between two brownstones in some tiny street. But it was a good job, the pay was acceptable, and Eddie had met Mike working there – so all in all it was a good deal. 

“I need to f-f-find a muse.” Bill says, eyes unmoving from the TV. “M-maybe I need to start drinking.”

“Or doing coke just to even it out.” Eddie says.

“Y-you are so boring, Eddie.”

“Because I don’t want to support your coke habit?”

Bill doesn’t reply but Eddie can tell he is laughing or trying to hide a sound that sounds like it. He turns off the tv and gets up from the couch in one swift motion.

“I’m g-going to sleep. You are going to b-be late again.”

Eddie peeks at his watch and hurries up on picking up his things – Bill is right, unfortunately. A second later he is running out the door.

“Say h-hi to Mike for me!”

-

As soon as he gets to the coffee shop, Mike starts moving his hands in weird motions from behind the counter. Eddie tries, he really does try to figure out what Mike is trying to say but there are only four occupied tables, so he assumes the stroke his friend seems to be having is due to something else.

“What the fuck is happening to you?” Eddie asks, “Are all the tables served?”

“No, Eddie.” Mike says, “I’m completely useless and only now realizing I can’t do this job at all.” Eddie rolls his eyes. “There’s a guy here – that comedian you had a hard on for –“

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asks as he twist to get his apron on correctly.

“Don’t act dumb. It’s that comedian you had the hots for for like six months non stop until he made some joke that pissed you off.” Mike says and he moves his head as to signal something. “He is sitting over there with some guy.”

Eddie turns to look whatever Mike is pointing at – there’s a man sitting with his back to them at the table in the corner. He can see a mop of curly black hair peeking out from under a green beanie and a leather jacket. In front him there’s another man, dressed much more formal and with a look on his face that could scare off the devil.

He leans forward – trying to see if he can make out any more details and as if sensing it the man turns around and looks at him from over his shoulder.

Immediately – Mike and Eddie drop down to hide under the counter.

“You are an idiot.” Mike mutters. “You made me look like an ass.”

“Couldn’t you just said Richie Tozier was here and avoid this entire situation?” Eddie whispers back frantically.

“I don’t remember his name!” Mike whisper-shouts back. “Unlike you I’m not his number one fan nor have I masturbated to his shitty sense of humor!”

“Oh that is so unf-“

“Hello?” A voice drifts from above the counter.

Eddie obviously hits his head against the hard wood when he tries to get up.

When he finally straightens up – Richie Tozier is standing on the other side of the counter, smiling. Eddie wills himself to not act fucking stupid – Richie is an asshole. He is an idiot and whatever attraction Eddie ever felt towards him is long gone now.

“Sorry I just dropped the – “ Eddie says and then decides against making up ridiculous excuses. “How can I help you?”

“I just wanted to get my bill, cutie.” Richie says, the man standing by his side – the same one that was with him at the table – rolls his eyes.

“Sure, fuckface.” Eddie deadpans. “It’s $5.49.”

Mike, who is still clutching behind the counter, pinches his leg. The man standing next to Richie snorts.

“Excuse me?” Richie asks after a second.

“What? I thought we were using words that are not our names to refer to each other.” Eddie says and he points at the name tag on his apron. “My name is Eddie, _not_ cutie.”

Richie fucking smirks.

“Well cutie,” He says “My name is Richie but you can call me fuckface if that’s what gets you going.”

Mike is covering his mouth with his hand to avoid letting out a chuckle. Eddie hates him.

“Richie,” The man finally speaks up. “Please just pay him and stop harassing him. I’m sure he is not paid enough to deal with you.”

“I’m not actually,” Eddie says.

Richie smiles – he smiles in that way Eddie is used to seeing in the TV screen after the audience laughs back at some joke he told, and he pulls out a ten-dollar bill.

“You can keep the change Eds,” He says and he fucking winks. 

“I was going to,” Eddie says. “Have a good day, fuckface!”

Richie sticks his tongue out as he turns around to leave and Eddie is pretty sure the laugh Mike lets out can be heard from a block away.

A second later, Mike finally gets up. It takes much longer than that for him to be able to look at Eddie with a straight face.

“I can’t believe I got to witness you revert to a potty mouthed 12-year-old with a crush.” He says when he can finally manage to stop laughing.

“I do not have a crush on anyone.” Eddie replies mechanically. “But I will admit his ass kind of looked good in those jeans.”

An old lady that is sitting by a table next to the window turns to look at them curiously. If she had seen Richie’s ass in those skinny jeans – she would agree.

“He has no ass just a long back.” Mike sighs. “God, I need to stop hanging out with white people.”

“I hate you.” Eddie replies. “I think I might actually hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone.”

Mike leans forward and pinches Eddie’s cheek jokingly. “Do you want to tell me how his dreamy smile made you sigh again?”

Eddie flips him off.

-

Bill is on the couch again by the time he gets home. He is watching some old Mexican soap opera and he actually has an open notebook where he is writing down something.

“I think I’ve got it Eddie.” He says. “S-someone needs to get fake pregnant.”

“I’m starting to think maybe you _should_ take up drinking.” Eddie says and he drops his bag on the floor. “Scoot over.”

Bill drops the notebook on the floor and moves to the side.

“Mike texted me that John Mulaney went by the coffee shop and he a-asked for your hand in marriage.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “His name is Richie Tozier and all he asked for was to get insulted.”

“He asked t-to get insulted?” Bill asks – and he acts surprised and everything. “Starbucks has r-r-uined people’s coff-e orders.”

“I’m glad you are not writing humor books because you’d be even worst off than you are.” Eddie says and then he sighs. “His ass did look good in those jeans though.”

“Should I b-be worried about you?” Bill asks.

“No,” Eddie says, “He is probably never coming back there because I called him an idiot and just was generally unpleasant.”

“But Eddie,” Bill says, “I thought that was y-your entire personality.”

Eddie pushes him off the couch for good measure.

-

On Wednesday of the following week – Eddie walks into the coffee shop for his afternoon shift and finds Mike leaning against the counter talking to – fucking Richie Tozier. Mike is a dirty traitor. Eddie is mulling over what he is going to say but he doesn’t get too far after he gets through the door – he hears a sound and a second later he is lying flat on the floor.

There’s a fucking beast of a dog – a golden retriever standing on top of him. And Eddie wore his good jeans today.

“Oh fuck!” he hears Richie say, “Bandit get off him! Come on!”

“We don’t allow animals in here.” Eddie says from his very comfortable position on the floor.

“Bandit!” Richie says – and it’s obvious he has little authority because the dog leans down and licks Eddie’s face. “He likes you a lot.”

The dog barks and finally steps off and Richie leans forward to pull Eddie up only using one of his ridiculously large hands. Eddie ignores the tingling sensation he feels where their skin touches because, no matter what Mike says, he is not a 12-year-old.

“He’s cute.” Eddie says because well, he is. “Good boy.” He coos when Bandit wags his tail and barks. “Still not allowed in here.”

“Mike let us in.”

The _traitor_.

“Eddie you need to clock in!” Mike calls from the kitchen. “I have to leave in five.”

Richie looks kind of disappointed for a second – but he wipes the look off of his face and pulls on the leash of Bandit.

“We have to the vet anyway.” He says, “I didn’t know you worked on afternoons.”

“I don’t assume you would.” Eddie says as he lets himself behind the counter. “I didn’t share my schedule with you.”

Richie laughs, exaggerating and grabbing his sides.

“You are funny Eddie Spaghetti,” He says as he starts walking towards the door, Bandit following close. “I’ll see you around.”

“Not if I see you first!” Eddie calls out with an ironic smile.

Eddie pushes down the strange fluttering feeling he feels between his stomach and his ribcage. This bizarre version of reality or sort of parallel universe he has stepped in is not something he should get used to.

Five minutes later, Mike comes out of the back dressed in his casual clothes.

“Why do you hate this guy so much?” Mike asks as he wraps his scarf around his neck. “I mean his stand-up sucks but he is actually pretty funny in real life.”

“I don’t hate him.” Eddie says. “I don’t think about him at all.”

Mike rolls his eyes but he waves Eddie goodbye and walks out of the door. No one is actually at the shop so Eddie takes the chance to clean the tables and once he is certain everything is spotless he settles behind the counter and pulls out his book of his backpack.

The good thing about working in this place is that Eddie has a lot of time to work on his school work. Med School was a lot of work, but Eddie was happy – and he was happy working with Mike as well. Having him as a boss was just another perk.

He doesn’t realize how fast time is going by until the door opens, and Eddie moves his eyes to check his watch. When he looks up – Richie is walking towards the counter. He is not with his dog this time and he is wearing a fluffier jacket and the same green beanie he had on the first time Eddie saw him.

“Hey Eds!” He says smiling a toothy grin. “Can I get a hot chocolate?”

Eddie nods and moves to prepare the drink while Richie sits down on one of the stools that are by the counter.

“No dog?” Eddie asks, trying to fill the silence between them with casual conversation.

“I was told it wasn’t allowed.” Richie says, “Besides Bandit was tired.”

He sets the cup with the chocolate in front of Richie and leans on the counter, resting his elbows. Richie is wearing fingerless gloves and Eddie can’t stop staring at his long fingers stirring the spoon in the cup.

“So, what’s your deal?” Eddie says, “Are you a stalker or did you move next door?”

Richie snorts. “I kind of moved around here.”

Eddie tsks, “I thought all famous people lived like next to Central Park.”

“I’m not that famous,” Richie says. “And I sort of had a mental breakdown so my – Stan forced me to move. For my own good.”

Eddie does know. Well – kind of. He has seen a couple of tabloid covers in his way to work about how Richie vomited on stage and then dropped off the map. He just didn’t know he had moved to Brooklyn.

“I always throw up when I’m nervous,” Richie says after a while, “And like I’m a really nervous person, but you know when something upsets me a lot I just – and then I’m throwing up.”

“Um,” Eddie says. “Are you about to throw up right now?”

“No.” Richie says biting back a laugh. “I think we are safe.”

They stay in silence for a couple of minutes. Richie drinks his chocolate and Eddie moves his eyes across the open page of his book, but he is not reading anything. 

“Does it bother you?” Richie says after a while. “I mean – I know I can be a bit much sometimes. Stan tells me constantly.”

“You are a paying customer.” Eddie says and then he adds. “You’re alright.”

Richie smiles so hard he looks like he is beaming for a second. Eddie pinches his own leg under the counter to not let his mind wonder off. He does get distracted though because a second later Richie reaches out and grabs his book.

“What are you studying?” He asks while eyeing the cover.

“I’m studying to be a nurse.” Eddie says and he braces himself.

“Wow,” Richie says. “Big brain then.”

And then – Eddie thinks, here it comes the easy joke.

“Though I have to say, your bedside manner is terrible.”

And Eddie surprisingly – genuinely laughs. That was not what he was expecting.

“My brain is not the only thing that is big.” Eddie blurts out and a second later he feels the heat pooling in his cheeks. Richie burst out laughing.

They end up talking for two more hours – until Eddie has to close shop. Richie is funny – _damn it Mike_. He tells Eddie a bunch of stories using different ridiculous voices and it makes Eddie laugh until his stomach hurts.

Richie waits by the door until Eddie picks up his coat and his bag and turns off all the lights. He looks like a little kid with his hands in his pockets and his curls poking from under his beanie.

“I guess I’ll see you around.” Eddie says after he is done locking the door.

“Thanks for letting me hang around Eds,” Richie says. “I promise I’ll bring some better stories for next time.”

Eddie shrugs, not knowing how to react at the perspective of next time. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands.

Richie turns around to walk off and he fucking winks – and Eddie.

Eddie is going to die.

-

When he gets home, Bill is sitting on the couch – and honestly that place must have his shape fucking indented in by now. He is watching some Turkish soap opera and he is drinking some fruity wine cooler from the bottle.

“You are sad excuse of a man Bill.” Eddie says as hello. “What is this?”

“My head h-hurts.” Bill says. “Did you s-s-ee your boyfriend Andy S-Samberg today?”

“Stop.” Eddie mutters. “You know his name.”

“Don’t g-get offe-e-nded geez!” Bill says and he settles the bottle on the table, without using a fucking coaster. Eddie hates him. “I’ll g-et it right for your w-w-edding invites.”

“You know if I murdered you in your sleep no one would notice you were gone.” Eddie says as he walks down the hall towards his room. “For weeks, Bill!”

“T-try me bitch!”

-

Another week goes by before Eddie sees Richie again.

He doesn’t miss him because that would be fucking pathetic – but his heart does leap a little every time he hears the bell above the door and falls down a pit of despair when he looks up and doesn’t see the mop of black hair.

Not to be dramatic or fucking anything.

It’s early, too early on Tuesday when he gets to the coffee shop and he finds Richie leaning against the door with his eyes half closed. When Eddie steps closer he jumps about a feet on the air. Eddie hates himself for dressing so sloppily, but he was tired when he got up – fucking Bill made him stay up until 3 A.M. to watch Storage Wars with him.

“Do you own more beanies?” Eddie says, “I honestly hope you’ve washed that.”

Richie laughs – still half asleep and when he speaks his voice sounds deep in a way Eddie is so not ready for.

“Not since winter of 2010, Eddie my love.” He says, “I actually have to go to an appointment, but I wanted some coffee first.” He says in a low tone.

Eddie pulls the door open and Richie falls behind like an overexcited overgrown puppy.

“Who knew the rich and famous couldn’t start off without a cup of coffee? They are just like us.” Eddie says.

Richie stares down at his feet and he laughs as if he were nervous. Eddie can’t help to remember an old interview of Richie he had seen once – when he said _‘I never get embarrassed.’_

“Mike invited me to your friend’s Bill birthday on Friday.” Richie says after a minute.

Eddie pushes the steaming cup filled to the brim in front of Richie.

“Oh – um sure.” He says, confused. He doesn’t know when Mike and Richie got so friendly. He doesn’t know why it bothers him. “We usually just go out and get drunk. It’s really pathetic.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fun.” Richie says conversationally as he pours an ungodly amount of sugar into his coffee cup. “I’ll bring Stan.”

-

Bill’s birthday is a tradition they’ve invented.

They always go to the same disgusting little bar that Bill discovered on his first year here and they drink disgusting cheap beer and fruity drinks until they have to stumble to Eddie and Bill’s apartment and pass out.

Eddie think is a fucking stupid tradition, but it is tradition after all.

The good thing is that the bar is always almost empty, which means no one is going to try and steal Richie’s attention away from Eddie. Not that he cares. A lot.

He is on his third screwdriver when Richie finally arrives. He doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or the heat in the fucking bar that is in a basement but the first thought that crosses his head is that Richie is the most attractive man he has ever seen. Bill and Mike say hi casually and then Eddie realizes the same man for the first day at the coffee shop is standing behind him.

“This is Stan,” Richie says. “He gets paid so I can go around saying he is my best friend.”

“I do not get paid for that though I should.” Stan says but there’s a glint of affection in his eyes.

The waiter brings over two glasses of beer for them but Richie sits in the empty booth, plastering himself against Eddie and smiles at him.

“Heya Eds,” he says.

Eddie pretends like he doesn’t feel Stan, Bill and Mike staring directly at them.

The night goes by smoothly, Stan and Richie are both cool and also super funny in a way that it seems like they’ve known them forever. Eddie feels his nerves fall away, especially because his friends are too occupied fighting over Stan’s attention to open their mouths and embarrass him.

After a while he gets up, using the excuse that he needs some air and Richie follows him, saying he is going to smoke. All of the nerves and electricity in the world seems to be travelling under Eddie’s skin as they walk up the stairs to step into the street.

Once they are outside, Richie pulls out a cigarette, but he doesn’t light it, he puts it behind his ear.

“Stan is cool.”

Richie nods and bites his lip. He fucking looks at Eddie through his eyelashes like some fucking – God. Eddie looks around the empty street before moving his eyes back to Richie. The streetlights cast some weird shadows on his face, but he is handsome. Eddie is glad he has enough self-control to avoid blurting it out.

A second goes by and Richie takes a step forward, trapping Eddie between the brick wall and his body. He lifts his hand and runs his fingertips across the edge of Eddie’s jaw. Eddie has felt breathless plenty of times in his life – due to asthma that wasn’t asthma, due to panic attacks that seemed like asthma – but never like this.

Even in the dark he can still make out Richie smiling.

“So?” Eddie asks, his voice sounds small.

Richie kisses him, pushes him against the brick wall and opens his mouth. His fingers run through Eddie’s hair and Eddie’s hands hold onto Richie’s broad shoulders. Richie’s glasses press against his nose painfully, but he doesn’t care. He is thankful Richie seems to have the strength to hold them both up because his knees feel weak.

A second later, someone a few meters away clears their throat.

“I’m going home, Rich. Do you want a ride?”

Eddie sighs and lets his head fall against the wall.

“Um,” Richie says, “Sure, Stan. Just give me a minute.”

Stan walks a couple of steps towards a black car and leans against it.

“I have to go.” Richie says, his long fingers still wrapped around Eddie’s neck.”

“You do,” Eddie says, unable to move his eyes away from Richie’s red lips. “You should.”

Richie laughs and he presses a kiss against Eddie’s nose. Eddie thinks the back of his beige jacket must be reddish from how Richie held him against the brick wall.

“I’ll see you.” Richie mutters and Eddie feels like a teenager. If he had known what having a real adolescence had felt like.

He stands on the sidewalk, watching as Richie and Stan get in the car. A second after they leave, Bill and Mike come out the door – cheeks red and laughing. They take one look at Eddie and they start laughing again.

“Y-your friendsh-i-ip with Seth Meyers is v-very touching.” Bill snickers and Mike outrights laughs.

“Shut the fuck up.” Eddie mutters, shoving his hand into his pockets.

“I can only hope to be as close to my friends one day.” Mike says laughing along.

Eddie does not flip them off – because he has had a good night – but he promises himself to hide all the Ibuprofen once they get home.

-

The next day when Eddie gets to work, Richie is drinking coffee, sitting down in one of the tables by the window.

At this point Eddie isn’t sure how Richie is putting up with the disgusting coffee they serve. The machines haven’t been changed since the coffee shop was founded which was probably in 1920. Mike has shared his theory that Richie uses the coffee as an excuse, but Eddie doesn’t feel like getting his hopes up.

Richie is straight. He is probably just going through some confused period because of whatever happened to him a couple of months ago. Nothing else.

Mike goes into the kitchen as soon as Eddie walks through the door and Eddie realizes Richie is the only person in the shop currently.

“You are going to have to start paying rent.” Eddie says. Richie looks up smiling in that silly way that makes Eddie’s stomach drop. He sits down on the chair in front of Richie.

“I wanted to come see you.” He offers as an explanation.

Eddie has nothing to say to that, no witty comeback. He can’t ignore the tingling he feels under his fingertips. He puts his hands-on top of the table and lets the comfortable silence stretch between them. A couple of second later as he looks out the window he feels the warmth of Richie’s hand over his and he can’t help but to smile.

He looks at Richie from the corner of his eye and he sees he is smiling too, his eyes fixed on Eddie’s face.

-

The sound of the TV in the background is slowly lulling him to sleep. Eddie is home alone, a very rare occurrence but Bill has gone to visit his parents and he is coming back the next day. He sighs and he wraps himself tighter on the blanket he is using to keep himself warm.

Richie forgot a hoodie in his apartment about a week ago and Eddie has been making excuses not to give it back. He runs his right hand over the worn-out smooth fabric and uses his other hand to pull up the neck and bury his nose in Richie’s sweet smell.

He feels stupid – he is way too invested in this, whatever it is him and Richie are doing. And yet, he can’t pull away. He tries not to think about it too much, just tells himself that when it ends it will end. Whenever Richie finishes going through his crisis and goes back to his fancy and glamorous life where he is a straight successful comedian.

For now though – he can have this.

The pitter pater of the rain against the living room window finally puts him to sleep. He is not sure what wakes him up but he suddenly opens his eyes and the only light illuminating the room is from the TV. He hears the sound of knocking against the front door.

He drags his feet towards the door and looks through the peep hole. Richie is on the other side. Eddie pulls the door open.

“You’re soaked.” Is what he says.

“It’s raining shitbuckets, Eds.” Is what Richie answers with a toothy grin. “Can I come in?”

Eddie steps to the side and Richie walks in, dripping water from his clothes and his hair. He looks like a little kid.

“You should take a shower and get out of those wet clothes,” Eddie says and he sees the playful glint light up Richie’s eye.

“If you wanted me out of my clothes all you had to was ask Spaghetti man.”

Eddie shoves him towards the bathroom and once he hears the shower running, he pads into his bedroom. It’s thundering even worse now – rain falling incessantly against the window. Eddie slips into bed, making himself small under the covers.

A couple of minutes go by and then he hears the shower turn off, he is kind of dozing off when he hears Richie’s footsteps across the hall. He steps into Eddie’s bedroom in just his boxers, his wet hair falling in ringlets around his face. Eddie’s heart stutters in his chest – honestly he might be getting a heart murmur.

“Scoot over, I’m cold.”

Richie pulls up the covers and slips under them with Eddie, the sudden smell of apple shampoo and cigarettes fill Eddie’s nose. Being with Richie – somehow feels like the easiest thing in the world. It’s scary.

“Is that my hoodie?” Richie says after a minute.

Eddie feels his cheeks go red. “I thought you weren’t coming over if it rained.”

Richie doesn’t say anything about the abrupt change of topic.

“Just wanted to see you, Eds.”

Eddie can’t help himself. He leans forward, taking Richie’s face between his hands and kisses him. Richie smiles goofily against his lips and murmurs something. His lips are soft and his breath smells like mint and smoke. Richie’s cold fingers slip under Eddie’s clothes and trace the outline of his ribs.

It’s dark outside and inside too but when Eddie pulls away, resting his forehead against Richie’s he swears he can make out every freckle of his eyes. He lets his fingers tangle in the curls at the back of Richie’s neck.

“I have a thing in Chicago next week,” Richie says after a minute. “Stan got it for me, he said it’d be a good middle venue to make a comeback.”

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek. He knew this would eventually come, that Richie would go back to his life and his job and the spell around them would break turning Eddie into a pumpkin. Doesn’t mean he is happy about it. But he doesn’t want to be rude to Richie either.

“You know I used to hate you before I met you.” Is what comes out when he opens his mouth.

“That’s not what Big Bill is been telling me.” Richie sing songs.

Eddie rolls his eyes and snorts. “I mean I used to have a huge crush on you. I think you like made me realize I liked men.”

The silence hangs between them.

“Yoywza Eds,” Richie says. “That’s a lot to put on someone.”

“Sorry.” Eddie mutters.

“No, it’s not – I don’t mean it in a bad way.” Richie says. “Tell me about it.”

Eddie goes over what he wants to say in his head. He doesn’t like talking about his childhood, he’s never liked people feeling sorry for him. But, Richie doesn’t seem like that type of person. At least Eddie hopes he is not.

Whenever he talks about his mother he feels a burning feeling in the back of his eyes. It’s fucking annoying.

“My mom was – she did this thing where she made me sick to like make me dependent on her.” Eddie mutters. He knows the medical term for it, but whenever he has to talk about his relationship with his mother he feels like he is back to being a little boy. “And I guess she knew – or she suspected I liked. Well she just filled my head with all of these ideas about AIDS and about boys being dirty and girls being dirty as well. For good measure.”

He pauses for a minute, unable to look Richie in the eye while he says this. His fingers play with the loose curls around Richie’s neck.

“I guess when I finally moved away and started living my own life was the first time I ever – like I allowed myself to think about something I wanted.” Eddie says. “I had just moved into this apartment with Bill when I saw you on Saturday Night Live.”

Richie smiles softly.

“And I did like you – and probably like put you in a pedestal because you were unattainable and because I didn’t know what being attracted to someone was like. And then I saw all those articles about you getting drunk at a red carpet and yelling at some journalist that you weren’t-“ Eddie stops himself, unable to get the words out.

“That I wasn’t a fag.” Richie completes the sentence. “That’s the word I used.”

Eddie nods, still unable to look up.

“I guess I was angry, because I just idealized you and I thought – you just seemed like a different sort of person.” Eddie says and then adds. “Which you also seem right now it’s just – “

“I’m sorry.” Richie says, his voice sounds so small it surprises Eddie. “There’s no excuse for what I said.”

And then.

“I am though.” Richie adds. “A- well I like men. And I tried so hard to hide it and fight against it, I ended up vomiting on stage in front of 5,000 people.”

The silence stretches between them again – but softer this time. More comfortable.

“I am really happy I met you.” Richie finally says. His eyes are closed but he is smiling.

Eddie shoves him a bit.

“I’m trying to be serious.” Richie says, “About my feelings.”

“I can’t believe you walked a thousand miles in the rain to come and confess your undying love to me.” Eddie says. “It’s a bit much really.”

“Oh, Eddie my lover!” Richie exclaims and he maneuvers, trapping Eddie between the mattress and his body. “I have wavered through a desert and a fierce dragon! Please do not reject me!”

Richie’s long cold fingers find their way once again under Eddie’s clothes and tickle his sides, making him burst into laughter.

And then for good measures Richie kisses him again, and Eddie feels his heart doing cartwheels in his chest. A rapid beating feeling – if he didn’t know he likes Richie so much, he’d suspect a heart attack.

-

“You know j-just because you are dating s-s-someone famous now it doesn’t mean y-you don’t have to pay rent.” Bill says one morning over breakfast.

“We don’t pay rent here Bill.” Eddie deadpans. “And I’m not dating anyone.”

Bill rolls his eyes. He is having fruit loops for breakfast which really – he should not. Sugar makes him unbearable.

“Y-y-you’re ridiculous.”

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” Eddie says.

Bill looks affronted at this, and he leans forward, putting his hand over Eddie’s arm, faking concern.

“That is e-exactly why I gave it to you!” Bill says, “I told Aud-dra about you two. She thinks y-y-you are totally dating.”

Audra is Bill’s supposed agent. Supposed because Eddie has never met her, and he isn’t sure you can even get an agent when you haven’t written a book. Also, Bill always seem to bring her up whenever he wants to back up a point – so her existence is still under questioning.

“G-give me your phone,” Bill says. “I want t-to see if you’ve changed his contact name and a-a-dded an embarrassing heart to it.”

Eddie puts his phone in his pocket to preserve his dignity.

“You two are d-d-disgusting.” Bill muses. “Aren’t c-comedians meant to be v-virgins to be funny? You p-probably ruined his career.”

Eddie flips him off.

-

Richie has been gone for a week – which means he should be returning any time now. Eddie doesn’t miss him because, he has no right to.

That Tuesday he walks into the coffee shop and Mike is sitting behind the counter, waiting for him. Eddie realizes as soon as he steps through the door that he is hiding something because, well. He knows Mike.

He steps behind the counter and starts twisting his apron on, waiting for him to say something but Mike doesn’t budge.

“Well?” Eddie says after he is done shoving his things in the corner under the register. “What’s wrong?”

“Not a lot of people came in today.” Mike says without moving his eyes from the book he is reading. “I talked to Bill yes-“

“Tell me,” Eddie says – and he kind of feels his stomach drop a bit. He is kind of scared Mike is going to say, _‘Your mom is in the kitchen.’_ Or something of the sort.

“Don’t shoot the messenger.” Mike finally says – and he slides his phone over the polished wood into Eddie’s hand.

Eddie unlocks the screen – fucking Mike is the only person in New York that doesn’t have a password in his phone – and what pops out at him almost makes him drop the thing. It’s some gossip website, filled with crappy ads and bold font but there at the top there are a couple of pictures.

It’s Richie, walking out of whatever venue his show as in. He is walking with a redhead by his side, who looks like a fucking model. She’s holding his arm so tight Eddie can’t make out the creases of Richie’s shirt under her fingers. She’s wearing his leather jacket and she is covering her face with her own purse.

The title says something stupid like ‘_Comedy heartthrob back with a new flaming love.’_ Eddie feels the bills rise up his throat.

He wouldn’t feel as stupid if the last time they saw each other Richie hadn’t brought up fucking feelings and shit and hadn’t started musing about how much he liked Eddie. Richie was the one who brought it up, not him. Eddie has been expecting this since Richie first kissed him – until fucking Richie had to go and bring up _feelings_.

He slides the phone back to Mike and he turns around to make himself a coffee cup, being a bit more forceful than necessary. Mike does play along and keep talking about mundane things the rest of the day – he even stays an hour over when his shift ends which, he really shouldn’t but Eddie doesn’t say anything.

It does go through his mind to skip class but he suspects Bill won’t be home and he doesn’t feel like being alone with his own thoughts. He needs to keep his mind off fucking stupid things like fucking comedians and their feelings.

So, he gets home late, dragging his feet. He is hungry and he can’t wait to get into bed and sleep it off. Once the day is over, this entire thing will be. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He’ll probably be too sick to leave his room tomorrow.

But he must have the worst luck in the world, because when he steps off the elevator, Richie is standing by the door of his apartment, leaning against the wall.

“I don’t feel like fucking today if that’s what you are here for.” Eddie says as he twists his key in the lock.

Richie looks tired, his eyes look kind of sad. It doesn’t make Eddie feel better.

“What?” Richie says. “I just thought – “

Eddie wants to say tons of things, but he pulls the door open first and lets Richie inside. He is not interested on all of his neighbors hearing about his life. Richie walks in in silence and they both stand in the dark hallway.

“I’m sorry if I dropped by without letting you know.” Richie says. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“If you think you are going to be out with your girlfriend on Friday and back in my bed by Sunday then – “

“Wait what?” Richie asks – his voice sounds genuinely confused. Eddie is thankful he can’t make out his face in the dark.

“I saw the pictures Richie.” Eddie says. “I didn’t know you were into redheads. Congrats.” And then he adds. “I understand this thing with me – is more of an issue for you. But I won’t say anything. Don’t worry about it.”

“What? No – “ Richie says but it’s like finally the other shoe drops. “The pictures with Bev? My best friend Bev?”

Eddie doesn’t say anything.

“Eddie I met up with her – what the fuck? Is this why you are angry?” Richie says and he starts laughing. “Can you say something?”

“I’m angry because you told me you had feelings for me and then you left and you didn’t talk to me at all! And then I see you plastered all over with some hot girl. What am I gonna think?”

Richie stays in silence for a couple of seconds.

“Are you jealous?” Is what he asks, a teasing edge to his voice.

“Shut the fuck up Richie!” Eddie half yells. “This entire thing with you it’s just!”

“I don’t want to pressure you.” Richie says. “You can ask me to leave if you want but I really meant what I said. I like you – and I’m not afraid to say it now.” He takes a step forward and Eddie feels his hands coming up to grab his face. “I think you are worth the trouble.”

“You – what?” Eddie mutters. “Well it fucking scares me fuckface! I didn’t sign up to be in fucking love with some conceited asshole –“

“You are in love with me?” Richie asks in a small voice – stepping closer to rest his forehead against Eddie’s.

“It’s nothing.” Eddie mutters short of breath. “It doesn’t change anything.”

Richie kisses him – pushing him against the wall just like that first time. Eddie feels his body sigh with relief all over – as if it’s missed Richie’s touch more than he ever thought for the past week.

“Say it again.” Richie mutters against his lips.

“No fucking way.” Eddie replies but he bites down on Richie’s bottom lip. “You are going to get another fivehead if I inflate your ego.”

A minute goes by and then the hallway is flooded with light. They jump apart surprised and find Bill is standing by the door of his bedroom.

“You guys are f-f-fucking dramatic.” Bill says – eyeing them unimpressed. “But I guess I finally g-g-ot an idea for ending my book.”

“Were you listening this whole time?” Eddie says, but he doesn’t move his hands from where they are holding Richie by the front of his t-shirt. “You fucking pervert.”

Richie laughs and kisses him again.

-

It’s a warm spring night – Eddie moves the straw in a stir motion of his empty glass and waits. The venue is filled to the brim, he can hear a group of women sitting behind him that have kept going on and on ever since the show ended.

He runs his fingers through his hair and goes back to his phone – eyeing the door at the side of the stage and waiting for Richie to fucking finish picking up his stuff. If he wasn’t so fucking messy in the dressing rooms he wouldn’t take forever to leave after he is done.

“He is really funny, isn’t he?”

Eddie’s ears unintentionally tune in.

“He also looks like he has a big dick.”

One of the women laughs and slaps her friend on the arm. “God, Jen, I mean yeah but you know.”

“I think he is with someone though. One of my friends works at the hotel he was staying in when he was in Boston and she said he was with some hot shot designer. Beverly something?”

“You are wrong.” The third woman pipes in. “He has a boyfriend. He is super private about it but I think it’s pretty serious.”

“Seriously?”

The conversation goes on and finally switches topic. Eddie wants to turn around and tell them exactly who Richie’s boyfriend is, but he thinks it’d be kind of weird and possessive. He is jolted out of his thoughts when he sees out of the corner of his eye how the door at the side of the stage opens and Richie comes out. He can’t help but to think how handsome Richie is – confident and cheeky walking around the place as if he owns it.

Richie walks towards the table Eddie is in and sits down on the chair next to him, pushing the few loose curls that hang over his forehead out of the way.

“So, how was it?” He asks, as if Eddie hasn’t been to a thousand of these shows already.

“The pineapple joke could be better. I’d give it a 5/10.”

Richie laughs and then he leans forward and kisses him. Eddie hears the whispering of the group of women that were sitting behind him and it makes him smile against his boyfriend’s lips. Richie pulls back and twines his fingers through Eddie’s.

“Let’s go home.”

Eddie looks back for a minute before walking out and he sees one of the women that were sitting behind him smiling at them – she gives him an exaggerated thumbs up while her friends laugh.

Eddie can’t help but to smile back.


End file.
